I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
