It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
God, I missed his penis.
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