Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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