He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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