And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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