Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
