You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
