tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
