I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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