I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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