At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
