Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
