We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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