did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
