Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
