it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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