i think i have herpe
just one?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Terrible idea I love it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
