Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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