Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
