Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
