I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
