I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
