You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
so much tequila, so little girl.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
