I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
