is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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