So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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