his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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