break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
