dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
