I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
