My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
