I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
