careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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