Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
