do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
