i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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