i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
