the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
