She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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