i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
