I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
