the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize