Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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