Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
