HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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