I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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