Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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