Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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