See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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