I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
