we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
