my shit smells like andre
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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