I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
