I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
