the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
