Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
