i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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