My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we made out on top of his cat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
