I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
