Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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