Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm always down for nudity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize