I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
