I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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