she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
