but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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