Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
