sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I believe in your delicious
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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