Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
