Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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