my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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