i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
