You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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