there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
