i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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