How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
