trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
