listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
