can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
