well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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