I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize