Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
