He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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